I am driving around mountains
Hilltops and Frozen Lakes
The sun is strong
and it burns through me
I am vulnerable now
I have been cut open
All my emotions have stepped out
Six months ago I was a different person
Today I am nobody.
I try to be everybody.
Six Months ago you were here.
Every month I shed a tear for you
Every month I indulge myself
Indulge myself into trouble
Now I walk aimlessly
I go to lonesome ponders
Pray for my survival
Pray for my unbecoming
Pray for my destiny
To not lead to you
And yet I shed a tear
that day of the month
That last day you told me to leave
I am watching pebble towers now
I watch a frozen river and magpies
I watch soldiers pass by
Here I think,
do I have a definitive purpose
Like you did when I let myself go
Now I like the solidarity
Now I like being sad and beaten
I let others beat me
That’s what you taught me
You taught me to enjoy the pain
The pain of suffering
And I let others suffer because of me
My lips are numb
My head is numb
My heart is numb
I am stone cold now
I am no more young.
The ties that lead us to where we are
Defines us to become who we want to be
It is seldom the time to conquer life
Perhaps, that is what we all need.
The tides may play the tricks
It may fool us for the need to be free
There is nothing binding us but lies
Please do not let them define thee.
You have come too far to lie to her
You have dragged yourself to mockery
Yet there is a someone who knows you
Enough to blind herself to your need.
Waiting is hard and the trust falters
Yet you lead yourself to dawn and leave
Silence winds with blow you kisses
Remind you who you truely strive to be.
How seldom I stay awake
Leaving myself wondering whether
I made a terrible mistake.
I have given it a deep thought;
I stay awake finding ways to
Lose myself in self inflicting ache.
Time passed by; gave me strength
to tolerate more hard waves
That tend to come my way.
Then, I find myself in a crying state
A sudden answer to all doubts at stake,
I am finally, a polished make!
Leaving abruptly with just a word or two,
rendered me speechless,adhered me to
Search within the past for answers ;
Blaming myself for the silence that haunts us.
I only ask for understanding.
Understanding that you are here for me;
Respect that I cannot give at time,
Times where blood is against me…
You assess your role and worth in mine
While I determine our next location to go.
Then, the sudden change of heart and
Suddenly you are out of my threshold.
Is it me who is weak ?
Or is it your cowardice,
that is afraid to hurt me ?
Nights pass by as you stay away from me.
Days go by while I await your honesty.
How I wonder every sleepless night
That passed me by
You promised you would never leave me;
Please never leave my lonely side.
I am hearing the silence sing
Sour symphonies, telling me
Its just a stupid whim.
I never have to breathe again
because you have consumed me
you have made me a limp.
These stories that you left me with
Have taken control of my mind
And my own will from within.
There is no silence left in me
All that grief should let me be free
Shallow laughter and lingering sighs
Keep me awake in this beautiful night.
Contemplation has become a task I do
And yet there are only so many things
That I can ask myself to do; maybe
this is just a test for me and for you.
Hear me whimper,toss and tumble
Silently as I cry myself to sleep.
Feeling empty inside is so beneath me
Yet, I’d let you kiss me good night.
Maybe I have my multiple voices.
Maybe I gave away all my biases.
I still infer my lessons in metaphors
Yet, pointless to my purposes,
I leave it to temper with my silences.
Now the loneliness subsizes.
To whom shall I fathom the role?
How shall I willow down this empty road?
My mind is fueled with tempting choices.
Where is the boundary where I shall lay?
Roll in the snow, listen to winds haul;
How should I dictate the Time in the now
Music is has become my soul crying,
telling me to fend for my own traverses.
The farthest my heart went away from me,
The hardest my tongue failed to ask for sympathy.
Much is lost for all the time in vain.
Much is lost; a part of me has gone away.
Still when I ask you whether you can take care of me,
You simply walk away without an answer.
Here I am searching in desperation
For someone to take care of me.
It has come to seem that Life has its way of controlling me
My body. My mind. My soul.
It is misunderstanding me.
Let’s watch the waves crash and flow
Let us all appreciate the synchronicity of ballerinas
Let us all sail as the water sails into deep eulogy
Here I am looking back at eggshells dropped by me.
As I see into those dark auburn eyes
I realize that you never took the chance
The oppurtunity to get to truly know me…
My intentions are pure but my words happen to lie…
Now I lag into an ultimatums and standbys…
Lights bulbs bursting away and none are left…
I am walking on the shards of pure tranquility.
Please, please. Let me be!
I wake up to a blast on my face.
Sitting here weeping, my heart slowly;
Begins to fade away…
Laughing at my crying state,
When will all this numbness go away ?