Weed

I see loved ones self-destruct,
I see helplessness turn to self inflicted pain.
I see solitude and desperate cry for attention.
Yet, I detach my sentiments in sheer selfishness,
So that I may not return to that space
Of ground and of figure.

There is no theatre in an alert this somber,
Yet, we are victims of life’s mockery,
And truth is atoned with hypocrisy.
Boundaries are drawn between sleep and awareness,
There is a feeling, a yearn to shed tears
So I can try to sympathize with me loved ones,
Who only accompany me in my sighs.
Yet, I sense here a glimmer of solitude that
Lunges intently by glimpses – hints of desperation.
I see the tears facading into smiles,
I see the mighty death lingering lurking their sides.
Lastly, I see happiness drained away one joint at a time.

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Closure

You remind me of past
You blind me from everything I’ve lost
And how seldom I seem fast
But hide myself from things that last

You try to make me sway
But then I still manage to stay
Your Words are often a play
Since all else has been led astray

Just tell me an honest word or two
There is a heart to heart due
After You must use your words few
There is no more left of you
.

Goodbye To My First Love

I want to fall in love with someone
Someone other than you.

While you go out with her tonight
I sit here crying, trying to face my truth.

While you run away from your reality
I talk about my anger for you.

While you spend the night by her side
I know you think of me everytime.

While you think of me and feel regret
I know you could not handle my dignity.

While You cheated again with me
I only pitied your soul for not growing old.

While you lie about your love for her
I know you will never be whole again.

While you were trying to hurt me
You only helped me grow stronger.

I seldom wonder if life was worth
If I hadn’t met you again.

Attachment Issues 

Dear Best friend
I think I loved you
To the moon and back.

You broke me, now
I cant have you around anymore
because I am in pain.

You seem to not care to 
Check up on me,  
The way I used to.

Tearing up inside 
I lost count of people I lost, Yet
I just can’t wrap my head to lose you.

You hurt me
By ignoring my cry
So now I am lost cause to you.

Is it worth to lose me?
Do you think it makes me stronger ?
Now I am missing too.

I cant let people toy with you
The way they toyed with my mind
To steal my love for you.

Now you are no more around; I am hurt
Dear Best Friend Please come back! Because I will always love you.

Till Death

To what do I owe pleasure, Grim Reaper?
Or Death sounds like a better name
You take away the pain eternally
Create emptiness in their stead

 
Do you feel empty?
Do you feel indifferent?
Perhaps this question gives the answer I seek
Perhaps respecting for the lost is all I need

 
Sitting in a place of my sins
I wonder if there is any time left
For the tides to settle down at lost
Is this a pending matter or just not at all.

Death

Idle, lonely, broke maybe?
I have many matters at hand
Then another one steps into cohorts
Expecting a smooth reaction…

Cancerous is the state of mind
Toxic is the silence
Withholding pain from your loved ones
Never goes as well as you planned…

Maybe, I should learn to stop
I can stop my mind from wandering
Dominoes Effect has to stop! 
Stagnent piercing in my heart 

Matter Of My Mind

I learn to study culture
Yet I have no certains answers
To the way silence precedes us
How I run away from problems
Layer them up beneath us
Truth to be told,
I am worried of Earthquakes
They push things right back up
Catastrophe ahead – abrupt
And now we are no more
How the world wanted to bind us
The silence is meant to be
There are unkempt bills to be revealed
Yet I feel estranged – bewildered
How the fate has relieved us.
I do not know how –
I just let my emotions flow
My tears are mixed up like my mind
I hoped to go off track
Out of my mind

Finding Inner Peace

You think this is a facade
My apparent smiling face
But it is just a distraction
Distraction from what is at stake
I am afraid of love
I am afraid of being betrayed
I am afraid of loss
I am afraid of purity
I am afraid my emotion cloud my judgment
But who am I anymore ?
While I sit here reading my notes
I sit and wonder whether I could have
Less confusion and less emotions – so
Let me be clear –
I love you
But I am afraid it is not meant to be
My fears control my judgment now
And therefore I am making a mess
A mess of what you made
And now here I am
Sleepless
Unfocused
Desperate for redemption
Trying to cry so I can fall asleep at night
Trying to let me emotions under control
So I can salvage what I have done wrong
So I can help myself be a better girl
A better Daughter
Just Better

Disagree to Agree

I sit here, alone;
My home is  my paradise.
When uncertainty comes
Knocking on my door step:
I am soon to burst!
I spill and empty the cup.

Now? I sit here, alone still 
Listening to sappy songs
I am glad it’s all over
I may have lost a dear friend
But I am peaceful and content.
We never fit together anyway.
( I am sorry it happened this way) 

Schooling with Cigarettes 

I try to keep out;
Keep myself out of your head
I need my cigarettes –
I sit here,sick and hurt.
Everything is soon to change.
Yet I sleep on the floor
Feeling close to trash
Weeping and wallowing!
My love is oblivious…
I have to let him be.

Years of friendship…
Years of otherworldly pains…
My love for him is not the same…
Nights pass by streamlessly
And I am changing slowly.
Then the unexpected
Takes me back into insecurity…
Give me back who I am!
I am tired and I am toast –
Indecisiveness upsets me most.