Vacation

I am driving around mountains
Hilltops and Frozen Lakes
The sun is strong
and it burns through me
I am vulnerable now
I have been cut open
All my emotions have stepped out
Six months ago I was a different person
Today I am nobody.
I try to be everybody.
Six Months ago you were here.
Every month I shed a tear for you
Every month I indulge myself
Indulge myself into trouble
Now I walk aimlessly
I go to lonesome ponders
Pray for my survival
Pray for my unbecoming
Pray for my destiny
To not lead to you
And yet I shed a tear
that day of the month
That last day you told me to leave
I am watching pebble towers now
I watch a frozen river and magpies
I watch soldiers pass by
Here I think,
do I have a definitive purpose
Like you did when I let myself go
Now I like the solidarity
Now I like being sad and beaten
I let others beat me
That’s what you taught me
You taught me to enjoy the pain
The pain of suffering
And I let others suffer because of me
My lips are numb
My head is numb
My heart is numb
I am stone cold now
I am no more young.

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